Lube used to be the four-letter word no midlife woman would utter. It was a product that emphasised we were drying up, that sex was different from when we were younger. For some middle-aged women and lube, we first heard of it back when it seemed mostly used in porn or the gay community. These days, lube has gone mainstream. Go on, say it out loud and proud: We want lube and we want it now!
Do we need lube in midlife?
As we get older, the drop is oestrogen during menopause causes the tissues in the vagina to become thinner, more dry and more prone to irritation or trauma. We produce less lubrication, even if we’re turned on. And dryness can also occur during prolonged or vigorous sex sessions.
- See our picks for the best lubes for middle-aged women
- What sex is really like in your 50s
- How to have sex again with someone new
What does lube do for middle-aged women?
Lube effectively moisturises, which helps tissues glide over each other, reduces the risk of friction, prevents discomfort during sex and prevents or reduces injuries. It also reduces the risk of condom breakage – thus better for preventing STIs. So, that’s a yes from us.
In addition, trials have shown that lubricant improves sexual well-being for women. Plus, when you want a spontaneous, quick session, lube is there to ease the way, so to speak.
And they’re a great addition to sex from a psychological point of view, especially if you menopausal or post-meno; a time in our lives that can really mess with carnal lust (one Canadian study found that declining oestrogen levels results in sexual worries for up to 87% of women in the midst of “the change”).
“Menopause shouldn’t mean the end of your love life, but sadly it’s not surprising that half of women have found that sex has become a lot less pleasurable during menopause,” says Dee Murray, founder and CEO at Menopause Experts Group. The good news is that “a lot of issues can be helped by using vaginal lubricant, moisturisers, dilators and vibrators, so the more open-minded couples are, the more likely they are to enjoy a healthy relationship.”
What are the different kinds of lube?
If you don’t know much about lube, you’re in good company – many people can feel embarrassed or uninformed when confronted with the large variety of types and brands.
There are 3 types of lube:
- Water-based
- Silicone-based
- Natural oil–based
The experts definitely don’t recommend substitute products (the “I think I have something in the medicine cabinet” alternatives) such as baby oil, butter, petroleum jelly or body or hand lotion. They’re not meant to be used on delicate areas.
To get a woman-to-woman take on the subject, I asked our editorial director, Jennifer Howze, who has written extensively on health topics. Here’s what she had to say:
Water-based lube
“Water-based lube can great but the water molecules can evaporate quickly, making it sticky. But the good news is that you can ‘reactivate’ it when it dries out by simply adding more water or saliva,” Jennifer says. You do need to check the ingredients: If you have sensitive skin, or you’re particularly dry down there, opt for a pH-friendly, water-based lube for sensitive skin.
Water-based lubricant is also more likely than silicone-based lubricant to contain potentially irritating ingredients and properties, such as glycerol, propylene glycol, parabens, or a high osmolality.
Silicone-based lubes
“These are more long-lasting because they hold the moisture. It’s also the recommended kind for – ahem – anal because it’s very slippery and stays that way longer.” That makes everything more comfortable.
However, there’s an important note when using silicon lubricant. “You can’t use silicone lube with silicone toys, because it actually breaks down the surface of the toy. It will make it more porous thus allowing bacteria to thrive in the little breaks in the texture.” So, now you know.
Most of us are aware of water-based and silicone-based lubes, but there are also lubricants for sensitive skin, CBD-infused lubes, oil-based lubes and hybrids (check out our suggestions for best lubes for midlife women here).
Natural oil-based lubes
These lubes can use oils like aloe vera, sunflower seed oil and vitamin E oil. Oil-based lubes are moisturising and more long-lasting than water-based lubes.
These lubes tend to have fewer ingredients overall and may be vegan or organic. However it’s still important to choose well. A lube may include a “natural” ingredient like coconut oil, but the coconuts may have been grown or processed using chemicals or pesticides. If natural and organic are important to you, explore how the ingredients are sourced.
There’s also an important safety note about oil-based lubes: They are not compatible with latex, which can include some types of condoms and toys.
Lube ingredients to avoid
It goes without saying that you should always buy sexual lubricant from a trusted retailer – places like Boots, Superdrug and Lovehoney are regular go-tos. You can even often find it places like Tesco. (No longer do we have skulk into a “sex shop” and emerge with a brown paper bag.)
But no matter where you purchase, there are certain ingredients in lube that aren’t good for our nethers – for example, glycerin, which is found in some brands, can break down into sugars and increase the risk of a yeast infection.
Experts also recommend avoiding products that contain certain ingredients because the affect the pH of the vagina and can lead to irritation, allergic reaction, bacterial or fungal infections or other adverse effects. Research shows water-based lubes may be more likely to contain irritating ingredients or addictives.
Ingredients to avoid in lube include
- glycerin
- parabens
- propylene glycol
- fragrance
- flavor
- ingredients that claim pleasure-enhancing properties
Other passion killers
It’s not just perimenopause and menopause that can cause dryness down below – chronic stress, certain medications, and some products can sap the moisture from our vaginas. If anxiety is an issue for you, a CBD lubricant such as the award-winning Oomf is worth a shot. It not only contains probiotics to boost healthy vaginal microflora, but CBD which studies show has a calming effect, as well as anti-inflammatory properties. It also increases blood flow to the genital area to enhance pleasure and assist with orgasms.
There are lots of lube options on the market, which can be a little overwhelming, but if you aim for one that’s as natural as possible, pH-balanced, with no nasties and even organic, you’ll soon find yourself superbly moisturised and raring to go.
Here are some of the best lubes for midlife women we found.
– Debra Waters
