Eleanor's hard-knock week

One minute you’re standing in the surf on a beautiful beach, the next you are staggering ashore and diagnosed with concussion. At least, that was the scenario for our dear Eleanor earlier this week in Devon.

“I was with my daughter in the waves, thinking how lovely it was, finally truly relaxed … then literally out of nowhere, a surfboard knocked me on the head. It felt like the universe saying, Don’t get too cocky.”

Eleanor truly got her bell rung. While she’s well on mend, the doc has told her to minimise screentime and rest til Monday, which is why for the first time since she started writing this Queenager newsletter, she’s handed over the reins. I’m stepping in this weekend to let her take a break, look after herself and come back ready to go on Monday.

What the hard-knock life tells us

On the phone this morning, Eleanor told me , “When I shut my eyes, I can still see this guy’s face over the edge of this board, bearing down on me.” By then it was too late for either of them to avoid the collision. This out-of-the-blue accident has reminded her of the fragility in our lives.

“It’s really ‘gather ye rosebuds while ye may’,” she told me. “Here I was at that exact moment telling my daughter that in the third week of holiday I was finally feeling rested. I was in the moment, with my family, enjoying nature…then pow.”

Concussion isn’t nice. But still, Eleanor told me, “I don’t feel sorry for myself. It made me feel incredibly lucky. I could have been so much worse.”

What could have happened

If the surfboard hadn’t been a beginner’s one with a rounded tip, if it had been pointy, she might have received a serious gash. If it had hit her with more force, she could have sustained brain injury. If her daughter hadn’t been there to hold her up, she could have slipped beneath the surface.

That’s the thing about this stage of life. We can be going along, thinking things are good (or at least fine) and something comes at us from out of the blue: something unexpected, scary, even devastating.

In October last year, a good friend of Eleanor’s – vibrant, healthy – died suddenly of an aneurysm. Another friend recently sold up to move to a dream spot in the country expecting years of years happiness there – only to receive a serious health diagnosis. Even smaller developments like a valuable freelance project falling through (causing financial pressure) or a parent taking a turn and unexpectedly needing more care can make life suddenly feel more pressurised or even unmanageable.

Gratitude is important at these times

Whether or not you believe that expressing gratitude brings forth abundance (as a lot of the books, podcasts and meditations tell us), we DO need to practice real gratitude – of health, of relationships, of being here every day.

“When you get a knock,” Eleanor told me, “you realise how much you take for granted.” When things are going right, it’s important to recognise that it might not last – and appreciate what we have.

My moment of gratitude this summer

I experienced one of these moments of gratitude during my family holiday this summer in gorgeous Taos, New Mexico.

My daughter and I joined my brother, his family and my sister to celebrate my mother’s 90^th birthday. Woohoo! (Lots of fun and surprises, no Jell-o shots.)

We don’t know how many more birthdays my mother will have, and she often gets tired unexpectedly. When she woke and didn’t feel up for that day’s plan – a visit to the Gorge Bridge, brunch at the café with the good terrace, a stroll round the Millicent Rogers Museum, she kept saying, “Y’all go without me, I’m fine.” Of course, we knew she was fine. But we were there to be with her.

So we spent a good number of our days sitting in the courtyard of our rented adobe house, drinking tea, eating sandwiches, enjoying the sunshine (my mother gets cold easily and loves soaking up heat) and just “visiting” as she calls it (followed by naps!). It was one of the most restful and meaningful holidays I’ve had.

I felt gratitude for the time we were actually having together, rather than trying to make it something else.

Try it yourself now: Here are some gratitude affirmations that we love at NOON, which don’t sound like they came from a greeting card.

Let’s forget the FOMO and get real

That’s the thing about holidays: With all the gorgeous Insta pics, the “wish you were here” videos, we can experience serious FOMO. We can have our own outsized expectations. But life is not all sunny yachts in Ibiza.

Eleanor and I compared notes on some of the things our families have experienced over the past week alone that have applied serious pressure to daily life: migraine, debilitating back strain, a fall with an injured shin, 2-days-in-bed food poisoning.

The dark is with us – even during holiday … and perhaps especially at this time of life, when parents are aging, health seems less than certain and our bodies can feel vulnerable. Often we can feel depleted and less able to handle it all. And that’s OK to feel that way.

We have to accept the dark and the light

We need to accept the yin-yang, the good and bad, the dark and the light. The shift can turn up at the most unexpected or inopportune moments. It can be difficult. But we can work at not letting it overwhelm us.

Which brings me a wonderfully symbolic moment that happened moments after Eleanor’s big knock.

A crazy coincidence

As she was being led onto shore by her daughter who did she see but Joy. Our Joy! Joy Foster, our lovely TechPixies partner.

TechPixies helped us created our Rebrand Yourself™ Course, which launches in September. (You can find out more about it here and get on the waiting list to hear when it goes live.) She’s also a friend full of optimism and support.