Hi there
First off, I want to thank you all for your wonderful, kind and supportive messages about my surfing concussion! They were a great boon and balm during a rather horrid time. Sorry if I didn’t come back to you all in person but I was told firmly to stay off screens…which was why Jen (our wonderful NOON Editorial Director who has been holding the fort) brilliantly stepped in to write this newsletter for me last week. I am pleased to say that I am feeling much better and am back at the keyboard today for the first time.
I was truly fortunate that my head injury wasn’t worse. I had a big egg, a headache and felt very sick for 10 days. But am now fine, thank God. It’s amazing how we take our health and normal capacities for granted. The knock was a big lesson to me in being grateful for everything. I have spent many days lying still, reading a bit – mainly Waterlog by Roger Deakin – and getting up to take my daily dip in the pond.
I found the coolness of the water soothed my sore head, and seeing ducks, trees and (today) a pair of buzzards circling high above soothed my spirit.
There’s suddenly a subtle shift here in London. There’s an autumnal feel; a slight chill in the wind and water. The city is slowly beginning to refill after the August exodus, as the leaves start to turn yellow and brown, drifting in the breeze. I know that after this languid August bank holiday, life will be back to its usual buzz with that quickening back-to-school vibe, mustering for the months ahead.
These are Queenager days in all senses: the shoulder of the year, a period of fruitfulness, a ripening. Today – August 23rd – marks the new moon, the best time for sowing the seeds for the period up till Christmas. I’ve been mulling where I will focus my attention. One aspect of being bed-bound is ample time to ponder. Having time to take stock is a boon. (Although maybe take the opportunity without getting a bonk on the head first.)
Remember: Our energy and attention is the most precious resource we have. I have a Post-It note on my desk which asks: Is THIS taking me closer to where I want to be?
It’s a reminder not to fritter away my time on things that seem urgent but really aren’t (hello, Insta doom scrolling.). Instead I want things that will shift the dial.
With the end of the year in sight, it’s a great time to make a commitment to what’s really important – you have just enough time to really make a change or push a project forward.
How to zero in on your autumn goals
As we move into this new phase, it’s time to think about what really matters, what you want (which is not the same as what everyone around us expects) and what are you doing today to bring you closer to that thing you really want.
Don’t know the answers yet? That’s OK – but I urge you to consider them. To help, I have some fun exercises to try over the Bank Holiday, below.
The mission: Get a buzzard’s eye view of your life. Get out of the domestic weeds, take out a pen and a piece of paper, or crack open a brand-new notebook (the best way to think) and ask yourself these big questions.
- What reliably makes you happy? This could be anything big or small.
- How could you inject a daily dose of delight or joy into your life? (And guess what: This is not self-indulgent. The latest neuroscience suggests that taking ourselves out of our heads, into our bodies, out of worry and into presence is one of the best ways to reduce stress https://www.mindful.org/present-moment-awareness-buffers-effects-daily-stress and improve our mental health https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10749636/.)
- What would you do if you weren’t afraid? This is the question that launched NOON – when my co-founder asked me what I wanted to do after I left the newspaper. I said, “I want to create a network for women in midlife and run retreats.” At the time I thought it was bonkers, a pipe dream. Now here we are.
Of course, I know it’s not that simple. Many of us at this time are weighed down with responsibilities: Money is tight for many, careers tricky, caring responsibilities for older and younger family members require time and emotional resilience. (My daughters are both back from Uni….)
I know many of you have faced change and redundancy over the summer. (If you are looking for a new gig, do check out our NOON Jobs board – these are all companies that are actively looking for midlife workers who know a thing or two.)
But the whole point about this Queenager period of our lives is that new beginning – a bit like our Indian Summer. It’s that sense of IF NOT NOW, WHEN?
You’ve got to have a dream. Otherwise, how will you have your dream come true?
Even if you aren’t free to hit the road with your rucksack or sail off into the sunset (or whatever it is that your heart desires), these big questions sharpen our focus to live the life we want. If big changes seem impossible or impractical in the moment, then think of small things that will get you closer to where you ultimately want to be.
Every plan, every journey begins with an intention, and an aim. THAT is what I want you to sow this weekend.
4. What can you do this weekend which grounds you?
I have lent my flat in London to my cousin, her husband, her teenage daughter and her mate. They are all in town to go to Abba Voyage. (I still haven’t been. Should take a NOON trip to it?)
In exchange I’ll be staying in her cottage in the Cotswolds. I’m going to walk the old paths of my childhood (it’s where all my family are from and where I scampered up and down hills on my pony as a kid). I get a visceral connection while walking the ridge above the house where we used to live; the very earth and air seem emotionally resonant. Just being there gives me strength.
Then I’m going to pick fruit and make jam. Preserving the fruits of the summer in sugar for cold winter mornings is, for me, soul-soothing. I come from generations of Gloucestershire peasants, so that impulse is somewhere deep in my bones. Like making gooseberry fool – the picking and simmering connects me to the lines of women whose blood runs in my veins.
For me, these two things are part of my personal seasonal pilgrimage. What’s your equivalent?
If you don’t have one yet, why not create your own end-of-summer ritual this weekend – something you do or enjoy or an activity with your wider circle…whatever feels meaningful for you.
I offer these thoughts today because it’s a strange weekend. It’s a pivot, and there’s a little bit of sadness with the shifting season, the shedding amidst fruitfulness, things falling away. For some of us, it can be full of busyness, the burdens of entertaining or looking after friends and family. For others, now is true downtime, perhaps with a tinge of end-of-summer melancholy or loneliness… Long weekends and holidays aren’t always big family fun and or welcome long stretches of empty calendar days. They can be taxing. So…sow some seeds.
And when you’ve done that, maybe dig into some good telly!
Bank Holiday viewing and listening: What I’m loving
The whole NOON team loved Your Friends and Neighbours on AppleTV (John Hamm from Mad Men playing a hedge funder who falls on hard times and turns to burglary. It’s great Queenager eye candy at the very least.)
I also binged And Just Like That – the Sex and the City spinoff, which has gotten the official axe. You can watch it on Now TV. (If you haven’t done White Lotus, that’s there too.)
Warning: And Just Like That is pretty slight. They really missed a trick with it – there is such richness in midlife lives – hilarious revelations, deeper understanding, clarity about ourselves and the people around us. It’s like they didn’t want to go there on the big stuff.
And if you fancy some escapism: Harlots!
I’ve been vegging out to this with my daughter, and it’s our guilty pleasure. Georgette Heyer crossed with Bridgerton – but more grim and with a LOT more sex. It’s a fun way to while away a few Bank Holiday hours…and thank your lucky stars you aren’t a woman in the 18th century!
Maybe you love escaping into a book – if so, I highly recommend Dream State by Eric Puchner – best read of my summer.
Or lose yourself in music. My positive anthems right now – some of which host Julie Greatwood played on her Radio Marlowe show Wise & Wonderful on Friday when she interviewed Jennifer and me – are Sisters Are Doin’ It for Themselves, Don’t Worry Be Happy, One Love by Bob Marley and The Power by SNAP! for a quick mood-booster.
We’d love to know what you listen to to cheer yourselves up too.
Let’s get together a great Queenager Spotify playlist. Share your favourite mood-boosting tunes by commenting on this post on our Instagram at @uponnoon or email us your favourite tunes at hello@noon.org.uk. We’ll curate the list and share it with our NOON community so we can all benefit from the wider feel-good vibes.
Revel in these last days of summer
However you spend these last days of summer, talk kindly to yourself, do what makes you happy, make some delicious food and rest…
And as you start to think about the rest of the year, book your spot on one of our September Circles.
If you haven’t yet attended one yet, I can promise you a warm welcome and kind, hilarious, inspirational women. If you’ve attended one before, don’t miss the opportunity for an autumn back-to-school reset. Spots are filling up fast so, go on, book one now!
Calling divorcees: We need your opinions!
If you are a midlife woman who has been through a divorce, we want to hear from you.
I’m running in-person Focus Groups with Jennifer as part of a big research project about midlife divorce. If you have divorced, we want you to come and share your insights. We’ll be providing fizz and food along with frank conversation (and definitely some laughs).
We’ll be running them in:
- Guildford – Weds 3 September at 5pm- 8pm, hosted at NOON Circle host Sue Durran’s lovely house
- Central London – Tues 9 September 9th, 6pm-9pm, location TBA
- Cheshire – Weds 10 September, 6pm-9pm, at Inglewood Manor Hotel outside Chester
This is an opportunity to share what you really think about the divorce process: What would have helped, what you wished you’d known, how you feel about it now. This new research, which we’re unveiling soon, tackles myths and provides fresh insight to make divorce easier for Queenagers.
We’ve already done a big survey, which captures some real surprises. (Fascinatingly, the top words women use to describe how they feel afterwards is, yes, sad – but also relieved and FREE.)
All answers will be anonymised, and your thoughts and observations will really enrich this research and provide invaluable insight.
If you can come along to one of these Focus Groups, either fill out the form below or email us at hello@noon.org.uk. If you email, put the group you want to attend in the subject line and giving us a paragraph about you and your experience. We’ll have about 8 to 10 people in each group, we’ll provide supper and drinks. It will be fun, informative and refreshingly frank. (Do you know of any other divorced midlife women who might be interested in taking part? Please do forward this link to them
If you can’t make the sessions but would like to have your say: We’ll be sharing a survey where you can share your divorce experience next week. Watch this space.
And do sign up for a Focus Group – I’d love to see you there and you’ll meet other women who understand what you’ve gone through.
That’s all from me for now – that’s more than I’ve written for a fortnight!
Much love to you all and thanks again for all your good wishes (and good vibes) which definitely speeded my recovery.
See you soon, I hope, at the London Circle, at one of these divorce groups, on our October retreat (only two spaces left…).
Plus I have news about our once-in-a-lifetime Queenager adventure to Cairo, the Pyramids and the new museum. If you want to come but need to defray costs, you can sign up to share a room with another NOON lady. We arrange it so it’s hassle free. Scroll down for more info about the trip and get in touch!)
Xxxx
Eleanor
Love this reflection autumn really is the perfect moment to pause, reset and choose what actually matters. That buzzard’s eye view idea really resonates; stepping back often shows what we’ve been ignoring.
Such a warm invitation your reflections on movement, mindfulness, and simple pleasures truly resonated. The way you weave in resonances from “The Role of HIIT in Accelerating Weight Loss” adds just the right touch of inspiration: https://www.shemed.co.uk/blog/the-role-of-hiit-in-accelerating-weight-loss