Hi there
It’s the end of week 2 of my Devon safari, which is long enough for a question to come to the fore: What actually is a holiday for us Queenagers?
I’m typing this in a Costa in Barnstaple in the drizzling rain. The coffee shop’s easy warmth and hubbub are welcoming after the wet campsite. It’s amazing how appealing it is to simply order a coffee hot and ready to go after living in a field where even a herbal tea involves fetching water, setting up the stove, reconnecting the gas bottle, boiling the water, going inside the tent to rummage for teabags, cleaning cups and waiting for 10 minutes.
Maybe the point of holiday is to remind us what we like about our normal lives.
When holidays go bad
I remember a former colleague coming back from a week in a camper van with his wife and 2 small children, vowing he would never go on holiday again anywhere less comfortable than his own house….
But even if we opt for holiday grandeur, that’s no guarantee of ease either.
A pal calls me with a tale of woe: They took a fab villa near Toulouse with an easy flight for their special-needs child. But then the forest fires struck there and 14 hours later they were still in a traffic jam trying to reach the airport, with said kid NOT very happy to say the least.
Two days and 2 flights later, they returned home – routed via Munich – and are just now recovering. The best laid plans etc. At least they weren’t caught in the actual fire.
What I love about this holiday
The sun is coming out and my daughter has come down to join us: It’s heavenly sleeping between her and my husband in our little tent. A cocoon of family.
Once kids are off at uni, that close kinship – what the Japanese and Koreans call Skinship (see a good explanation below) – is in less supply. Lying next to her, hearing her breathing softly beside me, is like a return to her early childhood. A rare treat! Not something we’d get in a swanky villa.
Holiday for me is about beauty and fresh air and swimming (in cold water this time, sea, moor and river) but also connection. Reconnecting with my daughter but also my partner, having time to spend chatting or reading or walking and exploring. But also with friends and wider family (in Devon all my husband’s wonderful cousins bring lunch to the beach and surf with us and lend us their houses and love).
We’re currently camping with a mate who arrived in his Lotus Esprit (much to the general hilarity of the rest of the campsite) along with my sister and her husband. We wake in a huge green field, breakfast on the grass looking out over hills and sky. I am the omelette chef. My husband is in charge of coffee. (We bring the big expresso pot from home along with the milk frother, so the coffee standards remain high. Some things are non-negotiable.)
Being able to be on West Country safari for more than 3 weeks is a massive boon in my post-corporate life. I ran the Online Noon Circle from the beach last Tuesday evening. It was great to check in with so many of you and find out the broader Queenager perspective on holidays.
What you say about Queenager holidays
First up: 40% of you are living alone and doing holidays in your own signature way: Enjoying solo getaways or going with friends, embarking on learning experiences or nipping away with friends, choosing retreats where you can meet, learn and have fun with new friends.
At the Online Circle we traded stories and suggestions for retreats featuring yoga, sailing, art, amazing sounding music and jazz festivals all over Europe, even a puppet festival! (These word-of-mouth tips along with stories and laughs are a regular feature of Circles – online and in-person. You can sign up for them here.)
One Queenager says she goes off on her motorbike – a refreshing way to embody a new holiday self. She loves that when people find out she rides, the first questions they ask are not about marital status, jobs or kids but about…motorcycles. I love it: Holiday as a break from our usual identity. (Check out the Transformation Story we just published about Adriana Potts who learned to ride in midlife – and she set out on an adventure of travel and new love!)
Put your own oxygen mask on first
For some, a holiday is a respite from our constant caring duties. One NOON member felt very guilty about checking her sick older husband into a home for a week so she could have a real break. But having returned refreshed and rejuvenated, she realised she needs to take care of herself and do that much more often.
Holidays are a time to get away from guilt
We talked in the Circle about shedding the guilt which sees so many of us put everyone else’s needs ahead of our own. It’s a bit like the oxygen mask in a plane: We are no good to anyone if we don’t sort out our own air supply first.
If we get too knackered and too stressed then we can’t look after anyone. We need holiday time to recharge and to rest – and to take stock.
I am writing this on the day of the Full Moon – it is the highest tide of the summer today. Living in a field, the huge silver moon is very present to me. It creates moonlight shadows and eerie UFO shapes, shiny behind the scudding clouds.
The new moon always makes me emotional. And clear. It’s a moment for standing back and setting intentions for the next month. What are we manifesting? What do we truly want? I have been calling in more calm and more support.
A big change is coming for me
I’m in a time of big transition right now. We’re trying to sell the house we have lived in for 23 years. Reshuffling the deck. So my Full Moon intention is to sit in the uncertainty, embrace being putty for a bit and not knowing. After all, along with the fear and anxiety there is also hope and excitement and newness. As I often say: Change is difficult but it’s also evidence of life.
I see too many people feeling stuck, still wearing the shells they have outgrown: We don’t need to be sea crabs with enormous shell houses if there is no one still at home to live in the rooms. As an estate agent put it to me: no point staying in a house just to host Christmas lunch there…
What I want from this new phase is more time in nature, more freedom, less stress. More Being, Less Doing. Not downsizing but rightsizing, so we can have the life we want now. I’m a great believer in the maxim “We already have everything that we need”. Just sometimes we need to redeploy our resources.
How Queenagers think about holidays
The “big” holiday
Some of you miss the big foreign holidays that a high status job provides. But there is always a time/money trade-off with holidays. Mega busyness means you need a mega holiday treat for a break. But those kind of major getaways aren’t always relaxing.
You feel the pressure of holidays
Some of you describe the pressure of holidays. We finally get those longed-for days when we are SUPPOSED to be relaxed and having a fab time. Yet sometimes our bodies and minds don’t get the memo: We still whirr at high speed even when sitting poolside “relaxing”.
It can take time to wind down, given all we’re juggling. (For me, nothing beats swimming in cold water or 90 minutes battling the roaring surf or yomping across a moor to force us into the present.)
What is your version? What helps you switch off?
Multigenerational travel is a regular feature
Multigenerational holidays can also be a hallmark of this time of life. We travel long distances to visit and help elderly parents, sometimes managing our own relationships and younger family members at the same time. We organise the food, do the washing and cleaning. We want to look after our older loved ones – and it isn’t always easy.
One Queenager told us, “I’m trying so hard with my 90-year-old mum but still…. I’d made her fish pie for supper. Then she asked me archly: What am I having with it?” She wanted to know: Where was the salad? Where was the side dish? Even on holiday, we can get the feeling of not doing or being enough.
When you’re a step-parent, you’re also merging families…and holiday expectations, frequently ones you had no part in building. Your role isn’t always clear – or clear-cut.
The result: It can all feel a little thankless.
How to make your next holiday GREAT
Of course many of us are holidaying in a period of adjustment: After a redundancy or divorce or death of a loved one or without kids for the first time or during a period of flux when you’re figuring out what comes next.
If that is you, my advice is to follow your passions and be brave.
Come have an adventure and meet a load of new friends on a bucket-list NOON trip: Our Egypt trip in November. We’ve arranged amazing special-access experiences: a private tour of the pyramids with a Queenager Egyptologist, access to areas you can’t normally visit and a NOON Circle on the Nile. (Grab your Cleopatra wig!) I can’t wait.
Or join us in Abergavenny at Laura Tenison’s beautiful farmstead (the Guardian name it as one of their top 10 retreat destinations for 2025). We only have 2 rooms left!
Plus, we’re putting together a ski trip in 2026. Whether you’re a master at moguls or enjoy gliding down greens and blues, you’ll love the camaraderie, chat, après-ski, group dinners and more. Email us at hello@noon.org.uk if you’re interested in coming or want more info.
Our next Book Club giveaway: Apply now
This just in: Our September Book Club is coming!
The book is Amy Jordan’s The Dark Hours – a gripping police thriller from a fresh new voice in Irish crime fiction.
Details will be going up on the Events Calendar soon. But now, if you’re a Paid Member, you can sign up to get a free copy of the book.
–> The first 100 Paid Members to sign up on our Google form get a free book, thanks to our friends at HarperCollins.
Important note: Standard Monthly and Standard Annual Members need to sign up to receive a copy. Pro Members get one automatically – just another reason to take advantage of the all the Pro Member benefits!
EVERYONE is invited to join the discussion with Amy about her thriller, which has been getting raves:
“Subverted my expectations at almost every turn… Jordan shows how the aftermath of violence affects all those who witness it” – New York Times
“Dazzling…this tangled, terrifying story feels as though Jordan has been writing for decades. It would make great TV” – Daily Mail
We’ll publish details of the online event soon.
Have you taken our brands survey?
At NOON we want to work with brand partners that really meet the needs of our Queenager community. If you haven’t already, please take our brands survey and tell us about the products and services you know and love.
Show us your holidays!
Whether you are away on your travels or enjoying some time at home, share a pic or story of how you’re spending your August, tagging @uponnoon on Instagram or email it to us. We’ll be sharing your stories next week.
Lots of love – the sun is coming out and I have an appointment with the surf!
Much love,
Eleanor
