Hi there
Well done for getting through what is often the most miserable week of the year…the collective return to harness, buffeted by Storm Gorretti.
I had a bit of a reprieve on the return to real life because it was my husband’s 60th birthday. So on Monday, instead of being back at the grindstone, I was in Dorset walking along the beach at Highcliffe (where he spent all his childhood summers) and then sloshing around in the hydrotherapy pool of Chewton Glen, my favourite hotel. (As a hack I stayed in a lot of hotels for free; Chewton Glen is about the only one I will actually spend my own money on.)
It’s a hard to know how to mark a significant birthday. I am always up for a party – I’ve thrown big ones my whole life. I love gathering a crowd with strong cocktails and good music. It makes me happy to blend mates old and new, to see all my old university friends, for instance, back together again and chatting intensely. There are friends I’ve now been partying with for 40 years…and I always love a dance. But that kind of do isn’t for everyone – so for Derek’s 60th we did a birthday trip that was also a walk down memory lane.
A lot to celebrate
It’s a year of big celebrations for us; it’s 30 years this year since I met Derek (backpacking in India). One of the best things about that is how his old friends have also become mine. We’ve known each other and been in and out of each other’s lives for 3 decades. The best part of that is being close not just to all of them, but to their kids, too.
The next generation are like a big tribe of quasi-cousins; they were bathed in buckets together during annual camping trips; have shared quizzes and silly dancing at New Year celebrations for the last 2 decades – and just have that ease with each other of having known each other their whole lives. I love that sense of our adult friendships reaching like tendrils into the next generation.
A lesson on friendship
I remember my 97-year-old granny saying to me that the worst thing about living so long was that all her contemporaries were dead. She used to have a quarterly lunch with a man she termed the ‘old dear’ who lived about 20 miles from her, not because they were particularly great mates, but because “he was the last person who still remembered, who had been there, who knew the same people from when we were young”.
t’s a good reminder that friendships, that web of connections, sustain us…and how important it is to make that web as strong as possible.
We can all cultivate relationships with other generations – whether we have children or grandchildren of our own or not (and I know about a third of you lovely NOON Queenagers are childfree) – thereby spreading our friendship tendrils both up and down the years. At a NOON Circle recently one of the women was talking about taking up pottery and going on a residential course – she was thrilled by the multigenerational new friends she’d made, brought together by their shared passion for pottery.
I’ve seen that closer to home: One of our old friends’ offspring likes the same music as we do, so we go to gigs together. It’s quite the honour to have such a groovy young man want to hang out with us!
Lunching with Super Queenagers
I did a bit of that the other way round last week too.
I wrote about Super Queenagers in a recent newsletter. I went to Cambridge on Thursday for a Super Queenager rendezvous – lunch with my mum and her 2 oldest friends (whom I have known since I was born). I have to say it totally rewired my sense of Q4 – that’s age 75-100 in the 100-year life; us Queenagers are in Q3, age 50-75. These
3 octogenarians were all exceedingly jolly. Yes, there was some health chat. One of them has cancer, another problems with his memory – but it wasn’t a downer. (The gent was an honourary Super Queenager.)
All three had a great joie de vivre, even about the tricky bits. The man with memory problems made very good jokes about things he couldn’t remember (including not being able to get out of the sea the last time he went on holiday with my mother). I reassured him that I also had to be dragged out of the shallows by my daughter when I fell out of a kayak last summer…that beach shame is not just for oldies!
We had a fascinating chat about Venezuela, Trump and whether we’re looking at World War III (one of them is an ex-Ambassador and Russian expert). I’m afraid the answer was, yes, quite possibly. But we also chatted about how hard it is for Gen Z (their grandchildren, our kids) to launch themselves into the world.
What we have to look forward to
I have to say Q4 looks pretty fun: My mum is off to Kenya for the next 2 weeks, the others to India (where they go every January). These Boomers know how to live, and lucky for them, they have the gold-plated pensions and thus resources to go on living their best lives, even as they get physically doddery. We discussed the importance of getting ahead of the inevitable coup de vieux – when health issues require more living support.
Better to choose the next step, I reckon, than be forced into it under medical duress. My mum’s new motto is: Don’t Get Old (DGO). Of course, the alternative to getting old is dying – so the better approach is to age-proof one’s life, I reckon. Even if that does mean having a power of attorney and Do Not Resuscitate order at the ready. This older lot all do. The Boomer generation believe in taking control of their choices – and still having fun!
We had an excellent lunch at Margaret’s in Cambridge (the junior restaurant of a Michelin starred place next door). The Super Queenagers ordered Bloody Marys to start, followed by wine (something my contemporaries would never do on a weekday). We caught up about mutual friends and laughed about old times. In fact I discovered they’d just had dinner with my own best friends’s parents in Norfolk. And the father of another friend of mine rang up while we were all in the car. I had a warm feeling of being held in a web of inter-generational friendships which endure over the decades.
More intergenerational fun
Indeed, as we kick off the new year one of my intentions is to do more cross-age fertilisation; not only is it fun, but we all learn so much from each other (I was apprising them of the joys of Ringo parking and banking apps…).
We also had a very successful intergenerational family birthday trip for my husband: bonding in the spa, eating magnificent chocolate cake for breakfast and walking on the beach (I didn’t swim as it was minus six degrees!).
We slept all together in the same room, like we did when the girls were little – a bit like being in a posher version of our beloved bell tent, scene of so many happy times. My husband said we’d done a good job on his birthday celebrations. Phew. You are only 60 once!
The Sod-It Sixties
I have to say, 60+ looks pretty good. Free travel on London transport and so many of you saying that your ‘Sod-it Sixties’ are your best decade yet. A time to finally tune in to being your amazing, authentic self with nothing left to prove. And then, if we are lucky, a healthy Q4 to come.
And speaking of the next chapter…
Midlife is a time when so many of us need help crafting the story that will propel us into the next chapter. If this sounds like you, consider taking up our Rebrand Yourself™ course. Enrolment is only open til midnight Sunday 18 January – check it out now to find out more about each module, the dates of the live calls and more so you don’t miss out,
There are 4 modules. These feature pre-recorded videos in which I lay out how to think about your experience and work out the highlights of your story. Each module comes with worksheets to curate your thoughts. And in live online sessions, I’ll share case studies, guide your progress and help you with specific questions. (I’ve just added an additional evening one, as an extra.)
Plus you get a dedicated supportive WhatsApp group where you meet the rest of the cohort and get matched with a Rebrand Buddy.
You can find lots more detail on the Rebrand page – do check it out if you’re on the fence!
It’s all about how we boil down all we have done in our long and rich lives into a cogent story – so we don’t hit that horrid blank when someone asks us who we are and what we do.
I’ve extended the discount…and added an extra Live Session
Rebrand Yourself™ creates a seamless plait of your personal life, professional experience and midlife purpose. This is the third time we’ve run it – we know that it works.
Thanks so much to everyone who came to the free webinar (you can watch it here). We had 500 on the call! It just highlights how many Queenagers understand and feel the need for a rebrand to start the next chapter. NOON Pro members get a big discount: 50% off for Pro Annual Members and 30% off for Pro Monthly Members.
And, in response to requests, I’ve extended my early-bird offer on a 1-to-1 session with me on crafting your story – that’s only valid till tonight (Sunday). After booking your spot on Rebrand Yourself, go here to add on your 1-to-1 and use my special code ELEANOR10. No time like the present to tell your story and launch your next chapter.
Also if you are thinking about coming on the Queenager Camino trip, don’t delay! We’ve only got 4 places left. I am so looking forward to it.
Much love
Eleanor
x
P.S. If you fancy a lift, do check out everything we’ve got coming up – including a special evening with our advisory board member Amelia Troubridge talking about her photographs for charity on 22 January.
