As many of you know, it’s been an autumn of huge highs and lows for me. Massive grief and loss: My mother-in-law (I wrote in NOON about racing to her bedside), two good mates and now a very close friend (the godmother of one of my daughters – her funeral is tomorrow) have all passed away.
But in the darkness of that, I’ve found also the light of determination – a courage not to waste time on things I don’t care about, to really focus on what matters. That sense that as life could be short, there is no time to waste, so we might as well do the thing we really love. And that for me means spending time with all of you lovely ladies and the incredible pioneering, supportive Queenager community we are co-creating together.
I love listening to you all in the NOON Circles, at our retreats and on trips (psst: big news coming soon on that front, so keep an eye on these newsletters and our Events page).
The other thing I love is writing – one of the things writing the book showed me is how much I crave the time for deep work, intense prolonged thinking, pinning down in words at the keyboard about what is really going on. Winnowing out the big themes, the important currents.
Writing, and being with all of you. In simple terms: They bring me joy. I’m resolved to do more of both of those things next year, and less of the things I like less. I’m hoping that concentrating on joy and purpose will be the lasting legacy of all the loss. I know many of you are facing tough times and that being together and supporting each other is the way through them.
What nature’s been telling me
As I write this, the sun is illuminating the last yellow leaves on a plane tree outside my house. This morning – finally – the sky was blue and the pond was glittery; silver dazzle speckled with cormorants drying their huge black wings on the orange buoys and diving relentlessly.
When the cormorants disappear under the surface I always hold my breath to see where they will reappear. Today one popped up right next to me, as if to say ‘hello!’. I’ve been swimming through the winter for the last three years and I’ve never had one come so close.
I write in my book about how how the appearance of a particular bird or animal at a particular time can have special meaning, even be a psycho-pomp (Jung’s word for spiritual messengers) of deep currents, the unconscious tides that sway us under the surface. It seemed resonant to me that at this of all times they should have been so present to me. The biggest tides that move in our lives are those that surround grief and death. Of course the coming death of the year (next weekend marks the shortest day) and a loved one’s passing can force us into times of reckoning.
At these moments we need to ask ourselves, “What are the deep currents in our lives and where are they carrying us?”
And now I’m going to take a left turn from what you might have thought.
We often talk about going with the flow. But could it instead be time for you to say ‘Stop’?
Rather than blindly continuing on our old path, sometimes it is important to call a halt, change the walls or change direction. Winnow out what no longer serves us. Hone in on what really matters (rather than what we’ve been programmed to think does).
That’s what the deep currents and the presence of the cormorant so close mean for me.
They are reminders to look at the broader forces shaping us and – having done that – reassert our own control over the direction and flow of life.
We do not have to be at the mercy of the tides. We can acknowledge their presence and choose to strike out in a different way, or ride them to somewhere which suits us better.
What direction are you taking?
Many of us are feeling exhausted by a long year and the frantic preparation which Christmas too often means for women … and Queenagers in particular.
So I urge you to hang in there through this next week, and then use Christmas and the welcome turpitude of Twixmas to stop, regroup and really think about what you want to bring into your life next year.
And to help you do that we’re running a special New Year Journaling Session online, on Sunday 5 January at 5pm GMT. It’s on the cusp of the new year, to help you set sail into 2025 with the right compass, and it’s led by the fantastic Alison Cable. Alison is a Queenager, writer and university lecturer on writing – and her creative journaling workshops at our Wales retreat won over even the most sceptical of attendees.
Mark your calendar: We’ll be sending round a signup page this coming week.
Still time to donate to our Crowdfunder
We’re 30% to our goal that will help us roll out a whole landslide of new benefits and activities in 2025. Won’t you help us by donating whatever you can to support NOON?
Much love and thanks so much to all of you who have donated to our Crowdfunder.
If you are one of the 17,000 on this newsletter who is not a paid member and hasn’t yet donated – and you enjoy even look forward to this missive – please do consider giving us a NOON Christmas present, so we can keep bringing you the commentary, insight, Queenager voices, and online and real-world events.
Yes, take me to the Crowdfunder!
You know what I’m going to say next…
So the next big question to contemplate is: What are you planning to do with your life next year … and beyond?
So many of you have told me how sitting and listening to other Queenagers talk about how they have navigated a divorce, a redundancy, a death … and emerged – after the inevitable mourning period – happier, stronger, re-vivified.
It’s that Forged In Fire quality we talk about: Going through our trials to create lives which are more truly resonant. Being more reflective on the outside of who we truly feel we are on the inside. This I think is the midlife journey.
And by taking the true path now, we model for all the women coming up behind us what the freedom to choose for ourselves can mean.
Let’s choose the lives we want!
We can choose – to some extent at least – how we spend our one wild and precious life. And often the space that a big loss leaves can be an opportunity for something new.
Have you thought about what you want to grasp in 2025? Join us on 5 January to explore your journey and choices in 2025.
Also, come tell us – on our Instagram or mailto:hello@noon.org.uk!
xo
Eleanor
