The Queenager: Eleanor's Letter (June 17, 2024)

Dearest Gentle Queenagers…

Greetings from Belfast where the sun is shining  (at least at the moment, sort of) and I have just returned from scrambling around the cliffs at the Giant’s Causeway and swimming in the green, but chilly sea, at Whiterocks Beach.  I am feeling salty but energised; cheeks whipped pink by Atlantic winds and body soft from the sea.

Me in the sea near the Giant’s Causeway at WhiteRocks beach

I have to say Northern Ireland is stunning, I’ve been sending pics of hexagonal basalt rock formations and incredible strata to my Geographer daughter all day. The Giant’s Causeway has been on my bucket list for years and it didn’t disappoint – it looks like massive rock Jenga, or cut tree trunks or Meccano – amazing that it is an entirely natural structure. (My pic below)

There were yellow irises and purple heather; soaring birds, steep cliffs and endless views. The countryside in County Antrim is emerald indeed, rolling hills, farms full of happy cows and stunning coastal panoramas. And the food is delicious (top Fish and Chips at the Dolphin in Portrush where we served by a charming Queenager, Bernie who said her daughter was ‘over the sea at Uni in Brighton and not coming back’).

The internet can get a bad rap. But ever since we got here I’ve been saying “Hooray for Google!” Remember when navigating was done from confusing maps, or when you needed a guidebook and planning to know where to eat? Now we just put ‘Best Seafood restaurants by the sea near Belfast’ into the search as we drove into the City and two hours later all thoughts of sodden Luton were banished as we drank chilled sauvignon at Daft Eddy’s in Killinchy looking over a ruined castle and rippling water as the tide filled the bay and rocked the yachts.

The sky was blue with big puffy white clouds and it reminded me of Appin or Oban in Scotland, (which is only about 50 miles away as the crow flies). (Killinchy in pic above)

I’m here in northern Ireland with two Queenager mates being groupie to a pal speaking at a huge conference, Action Trauma. It’s lovely not to be the one on parade. This is all about her, not me!It has felt so relaxing to be driven around, share responsibility and look after each other – when I went for a dip my two friends waited on the beach with my towel and jumper, watching me in the waves like two anxious mummy ducks.

Our first conversation here when we were driven to pick up our hire car set the tone which had resonated throughout our trip: “Whatever you do, don’t take one of those Belfast taxi tours of the murals and The Troubles!” the man warned. “The driver is bound to be from one side or the other… We’re trying to forget all that. Why do the tourists want to come here and gorp at it? We’re over it now, we’re living our best life, we don’t want to go backwards.”

Driving into Belfast past the old prison and court house on the Crumlin Road, we saw huge stone churches echoes of the sectarian past. I noticed some have now been decommissioned, one massive one had become an Indian Community Centre; the city looks like it is on the up. The locals are cheerful and chatty; at our hotel there was a Beauty Awards last night, hundreds of sequin-clad, ultra-plucked, lovelies thronged the lobby like a troupe of colourful peacocks, splendid in their finery. In 2024 Belfast has its best face on.

It made me think about how, despite the gloomy state of the world, it is important to hold the hope that things really can get better. As war rages in Gaza let’s remember that within living memory it was also like that here in Belfast. And now it really isn’t…

I was thinking about how the world changes, too, when I heard Tracey Emin had been made a Dame this weekend. I was lying in bed listening to the World Tonight on Radio 4 and heard Dame Tracey being interviewed by BBC Culture editor Katie Razzall about how the only women from working class backgrounds like her who were honoured in the past were sports stars; how incredible it felt for her that her messy, emotional work – all about making the viewer FEEL something – had not only been recognised by the art world but now by the British establishment. Emin is right: it is a long way from the old British stiff upper lip to All the People I Have Ever Slept with, the tent she made with all her lovers’ names, cataloguing her abuse and also her pleasure. Or My Bed with its old condoms and crumpled sheets cataloguing the four days she spent in it taking pills and crying after the break up of a relationship. How wonderful that a creative genius who grew up showing people her knickers in Margate is now a Dame…  Emin also said that her generation of women – yup, that’s us Queenagers – were the ones who had changed things fundamentally during their lifetimes, by speaking their truth, insisting there was a different way to be in the world.

She is right, women of our generation are at the spearhead of a huge social change. Of course we stand on the shoulders of the giant feminists who came before us – suffragettes, land girls, all those women who were the first to do whatever they did. Who broke barriers, insisted that things could be a different way. I recently talked to a group of Queenager train drivers, the first to do that ever… who were talking about how they are mentoring the next generation of women train drivers and engineers. One young woman in a Hijab was explaining that her Queenager mentor believed in her when she didn’t believe in herself; made her stick at it, convinced her she could do it. That she would never have made it without that older woman showing her the way. It is important that – sometimes – we take a moment and look around, pat ourselves on the back, and realise how far we have come. What a difference we can make.

And you see, it’s not just Emin, or train drivers, the shift is happening all around us. Have you been watching Bridgerton on Netflix? Yes, I know, it is a bit trashy; kind of Georgette Heyer meets The Kardashians (with lashings of soft porn) but it is also massively joyous, popular and surprisingly ground breaking. This version of bucks and society ladies in incredible frocks with lots of cleavage, navigating Regency London has black and brown leading families. There is a Queenager love story plot line; and in the latest episodes (don’t worry no spoilers here I promise) the heroine, Penelope Featherington, is a small, round, clever red-head (Nicola Coughlin from Derry Girls, hey we’ve got a northern Ireland theme this week).

When told by a female journalist at a press conference in Dublin that she was “very brave” for getting her clothes off (she is no pencil) – Nicola said: “It is hard cos I think women with my body type, women with perfect breasts, we do not see ourselves on screen enough. I am very proud as a member of the perfect breast community I hope you enjoy seeing them. There is one scene where I am very naked on camera and that was my idea my choice. It just felt like the biggest fuck you to all the conversations surrounding my body. It was amazingly empowering….” A Reubenesque heroine who gets naked and also hooks the incredibly hot guy through personality, intelligence and sexiness! That is a change for the better in our thin-obsessed times! And even more groundbreaking Bridgerton sex regularly shows women having orgasms and being given oral pleasure (cunnilingus… as my Queenager friend here is just giggling: “many a delicacy is eaten from the hairy plate in Bridgerton”). Radical! Women deserve pleasure…

And to whom do we owe the great pleasure of Bridgerton? Well, of course, it is produced and created by Shonda Rimes, a great Queenager – and the novels it was based on are written by another woman, Julie Quinn. Together they have revolutionised old style bodice ripping costume dramas turning them into something fun, modern, multi-cultural and stereotype challenging. Entertainment from a female point of view. Who says things can’t get better?

It’s noticeable here in Northern Ireland how many of the political posters hung on nearly every lamp post feature Queenagers; a huge shift for what has traditionally been a highly patriarchal society. When I was last here in Belfast – about a decade ago – I went to a conference called Formers; it was about how we move on, make peace with the world and ourselves,  full of former gangsters, ex-triads, former Islamists, people who had escaped cults and churches;  former right wing terrorists sat next to ex-radicals of every type you can think of. In one session a former skinhead said: “We make peace with our enemies, not our friends. We have to talk to our enemies and find common ground in order to move forward…” . I met such gentle, wise souls – all talking about how they had been sucked into radicalism and the humanity and sense of shared purpose which had got them out of it.

As the Far Right rises in Europe and our own election becomes more fraught and polarised it has never been more important to recognise that some things are getting better and that we as Queenagers, as wise elders, can help to create a different kind of discourse. That our impact is having and has already made a difference.

Being in Ireland for the weekend I already feel that last week is a long time ago. I arrived here knackered because I’d spent four days of it bunked up in a studio reading the whole of my book Much More to Come: Lessons on the magnificence and mayhem of midlife, published Aug 1st by HarperCollins (please pre-order on that link would really help the launch) out loud for the audible version. Wow it was hard work. 320 pages, every one has to be read perfectly. Any words fluffed and I had to start again. Huge thanks to my brilliant producer Ann Larson who slowed me down, toned down my tendency to get a bit too passionate and honed it all with skill and tact. And the day I wasn’t reading out loud I was recording our new The Queenager podcast which will be released in July. My first guest was Liz Earle (with me below), author of A Better Second Half, all about the brilliant health and life hacks, based on the latest science, which can keep us Queenagers in tip top shape for our next fifty years.

I’ve already adopted her suggestion of drinking two glasses of water, putting my face in the fresh air and towards the sun when I first wake up (has to not be through glass) and doing 100 squats and 60 press ups (can be kneeling or like me against the wall) as soon as I get out of bed. Five days in I am already feeling better for it. Other guests include Baroness Martha Lane Fox on everything from quantum computing to becoming a mum via a surrogate at nearly 50; and Laura Tenison, Founder of Jojo Maman Bebe on what it felt like to sell the company she founded after 25 years and her own midlife pivot… Can’t wait for you all to listen to them, we’ll release the first one in JULY.

In the meantime – don’t forget we have NOON Circles all over the UK on July 1^st – here is the link to our event page on the Noon.org.uk website for details if you’d like to come…. (you need to be a paid subscriber, only £6 a month, why not try it?)

And we’ll be talking to Adele Parks about her new book at NOON Book Club on Thursday July 25^th at 6.30pm. Sign up here.

As for me, I’m going to go and have a hot steam to warm up after my June-uary cold dip (I am sitting writing this in three sweaters and a woolly hat) and then have an early night before listening to Gabor Mate and other world experts on trauma tomorrow.

Much love  – and if you haven’t tried Bridgerton yet – why not give it a whirl?

Eleanor

xxx

By Eleanor Mills